Seeds of Change

I know what it feels like to feel like shit in my body, panicked in my mind and embarrassed about my life.  I also know what it feels like to love my own body and feel amazing in it, to be calm, peaceful and confident in my mind and excited and passionate about my life.  I’ve had times of hating myself and spent years totally unaware of the fact that there was another option.  I’ve also spent a good chunk of my life believing that I was not worthy, not capable, some how defective in such a way, that I couldn’t be as physically fit, professionally successful or loved and appreciated like others could be.

I’m not sure I can say I know exactly when the change started to happen, when the seed started to germinate…but I do believe that the seed was always inside me and I believe that this seed is inside all of us, somewhere hidden under false narratives about ourselves and the world around us.  We may get so lost in surviving our traumas that we forget that we buried that seed somewhere.   We may feel so distant from our confident, joyful and empowered nature that we believe that seed never existed, it’s just not for us.  

If there is a seed of change, of growth and empowerment and joy inside of me, then it must be inside of you too.  What I have learned from my own journey and being privileged to walk with others on their journey of change, is that you just never know where it’s going to start.  You never know what story, or what words might spark the change, you never know who will come into your life (or who’s life you might come into) that will give just enough water, sunlight and hope to create the idea of change.  

I have come to understand that in order for change to happen, real life long, deep down to the core kind of change…it has to start with new ideas, new experiences, new ways of seeing ourselves and the world.  I also understand that doing new things, thinking new things, feeling new things is incredibly scary.   And yet, getting to the other side of “new” is the only way out of the trap and shackles of living unhealthy and unwell in your mind, your body and your and soul.  

Change has to start with a thought, our thoughts then create feelings and feelings are the fuel of change.  If it’s scary start small, play with new ideas of seeing yourself and your life in different ways in the privacy of your own mind.  Envisions your life, your health and your relationships to be just a little better.  When you get comfortable with the idea that this new way of being might be possible, go just a little bigger.  Keep going until you can imagine not only what it would look like, but what it would feel like to be living that life, being in that body, experiencing that kind of love.  

I’m not saying that the journey ends here, no in fact it’s just beginning.  I’m not saying the journey will be easy, no it will be painful and hard and scary at times, but also amazing and fun and full of joy at others.  I’ve been in both places, I’ve lived in both sides of the story.  I’ve been completely unaware that I possess the seed of change, I’ve been scared to imagine and create change and yet somehow I’ve embarked on that journey. I’ve been through a lot, smashed old ways of living and thinking and being in the world, without knowing how it would all end up, where the pieces would land and how I would put them back together.   After all that I’ve gone through, I can say without a doubt, the pain of staying in the trap and the shackles is much more painful and scary, and way harder than going through the change.   

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